OyChicago blog

I submitted this blog at the last second. Really. I did. Do you have any idea how long this took me to write? Months. Months would be a lie. Weeks. Weeks would also be a lie. But days…days would be accurate. I’m already procrastinating on getting to the point so let’s just get there, shall we? In these times we call “the present,” there is a terrible acronym going around, being abused in its meaning by some of the younger folk. However, there is actual truth to the phrase. I refuse to write the actual acronym so to have you understand which one I’m talking about let’s say I take the delicious candy Rolo, subtract the ‘R’ and replace it with a “Why?” Say that sentence out loud if you don’t entirely understand. Or ask the younger folk. What I’m getting at here is I only live once and therefore, why am I wasting any time ever? Hence, with that way of thinking, I feel my procrastination always needs to be productive.

Productive procrastination is unlike regular procrastination in that I made it up. Defined, my version means participating in the activities that are most important to me and that advance my own wellbeing. Or something like that. I think you got the gist. I’m referring to activities like catching up on a television show, reading, working on my comedy, writing or even hanging out with friends, among other things. Basically it’s about getting the most I can from the non-real world while still being productive.

I am truly an active advocate of always being productive. In fact, I make it a point to advance myself in some way each and every day. Whether it’s real stuff like going to work to make a living, getting a shave and haircut (two bits) or finally making it to that restaurant I’ve been wanting to try, I attempt to end each day being filled with new and tangible knowledge. And yes, tangible knowledge is sometimes being able to spew new trivia about certain episodes of Batman The Animated Series.

When I turned 25 a few months ago, I realized a few things. One, my frontal lobe was fully developed and the headaches finally stopped. Two, I was now a quarter of a century old. Or 1/40th of a millennium old. However you want to look at it. And three, I needed to stop wasting time. The biggest culprit, of course, was sleep. I sleep for roughly a third of my life. That means a third of my life I’m technically doing nothing. I always say that I’ll sleep when I’m dead which is why I wish sleep wasn’t such a necessity. Now, don’t get me wrong. I love sleep. Sleep is incredible. I simply wish it I didn’t need it. My opinion towards sleep is the epitome of a love/hate relationship. I detest being tired but the only true remedy is sleep. A lifelong Catch 22 if you will. And I have to say, when I get older, I will NOT take more naps like older individuals often do. I don’t understand it. I’m running out of time at that point. I can’t waste it. That’d be like watching a 2 hour long movie and then I just started fast forwarding through 30 second parts during the last half hour.

My problem was I kept thinking to myself, I’m too tired to this, I don’t have enough time to do…SHUT UP! Why do I put stuff off? Ever? How lazy do I have to be? Every second I’m losing time and to be blunt, death is only getting closer. Maybe one of the only true facts of life. Well, that and Snickers Ice Cream Bars could create world peace. But that’s why I’ve deemed my procrastinating as needing to be productive. I try to limit my mindless meandering through the internet and my overabundance of sleep so I can put focus on accomplishing what I honestly and truly want to. I’ll lose 30 minutes of sleep so I can watch that TV show. I’ll spend that extra 45 minutes playing that video game instead of cruising through IMDB rereading quotes I’ve heard 1,000 times. I’ll take an extra hour to talk to myself. Not in a crazy way, not like a “let’s walk on the other side of the street because that weird guy is talking to himself” way, but in the way I talked to myself at the Western Wall in Jerusalem. The way I really opened up to my own thoughts, goals and dreams. Of course, it helps me at home that I have my authentic Western Wall snow globe. Ladies.

I haven’t exactly said specifically what I’m procrastinating from. I suppose, in a word, life. In two words, real life. Anything during productive procrastination is meant to be an escape. Most people simply call it free time. For me, productive procrastination is free time that is essentially used for a series of escapes, both big and small. The moments between the escapes are real life. I’m not saying life is bad by any means. I love life. It’s the necessary real life stuff that gets in the way of what I most want to do. I have a theory. Most people, even if they have a job they love and love going to, given a day off, would have something else they’d rather be doing. But when I’m stuck at work for my 50+ hours a week (two jobs), I revel in those little escapes. Like checking Facebook on my phone and, as stupid as it sounds, going to the bathroom where I can daydream for a moment and plan my next escape for after work. What it comes down to is this, when it comes to wasting time, I need to make sure I’m never wasting time.