A Letter to a Friend Going through a Tough Time

We all have gone through tough situations -- loss, failure, etc. The list really goes on and on. I recently had a friend go through a tough situation, so this letter popped into my head when this friend, in their time of need, well … needed it.

So, here's the thing -- I've been told I'm pretty good at advice from people. Who knows? I just dish it like I see it. So my words of advice either come from a) experience, b) observance, or c) intuition (I like to think I have some).

The bones of this letter are the same as the original copy, but I have omitted anything that would disclose the exact situation and obviously who I wrote it to, because, ya know, privacy … duh. But the message actually remains the same.

I also left this person five lil' nuggets of knowledge at the end. And it looks like what I wrote about happiness on my blog the other day was something I guess I knew all along. Is that intuition peeking its beautiful face? Again, who knows?

So without further ado, here's the letter:

Dear Friend,

I'm not writing this to be nice or to make everything better with words because that's not genuine AND it won't change anything. I'm writing this because I think you should read it and remember who you are, which I just so happen to know about, at least a bit.

First of all, don't feel dumb.

"Coulda, shoulda, woulda"…you're going to think about what you could/should/would have done. You're going to feel dumb for not doing it. First of all, never feel dumb. We do our best when we can with what we have. You really did what you could. I know this because we talked about it a lot. And I know that this time we spent talking about it was just a tiny, tiny, minuscule speck of the time and effort you put in.

Experiences, good or bad, especially the bad ones, teach. It's not always fun. In fact, the majority of the time, it's the evil twin of fun. But the takeaway, that, my friend, is the sparkly diamond in the rough. In actuality, you finally figured out what YOU want. So, for that alone, you should be proud. You know the "what," and the "how" follows.

Second of all, don't settle.

Because the only number that matters is one. Everything else is noise staged in life to get in your way. All the other endeavors or people that seem "okay" or "an option" are not okay nor options … they are distractions. Find that one that matters.

And also, you can't be another number either. Be the one. Otherwise, you're wasting everyone's time. Most importantly your own, of course.

Third of all, (and you're going to hate me for saying this), things do happen for a reason. There. I said it. Coincidence is fake news.

Throughout all of this, you've lost nothing; only gained. Remember experience? Yea, that ole thing. Well, he (or she) is here for good. And now you're one step closer. And honestly, you've won the most valuable and priceless prize of them all -- confidence. You've found it. You proved to yourself (b/c other opinions = noise) that you deserve it.

Look at everything you have today. If that's not proof that you can get to the "where" that pops into your head tomorrow, I don't know what is.

Fourth of all, chance is a funny thing.

I don't want to get all "philosophical" on you, but I think what's funny about chance is that it's not a limited resource? Question mark? And it might be the only thing that is unlimited? Again, question mark? But I really do have to sit on this and think about it more before I can make that statement … also I don't know why I find that funny, but I do.

BUT, here's my point: there are quite literally (at least) a million more chances to find and get what you want.

And it's so, SO, easy to fail. We lose all the time. At least I do. I dwell and I dwell on it and then I try again and fail again. Try. And fail. And it's discouraging. But then one day, you don't lose. One day, you finally get what you want. And that one-in-a-million instance erases all the pain. All of it.

Lastly (sorry this turned out to be a long letter): I get it.

I've been there. Not once, not even twice. So not only can I sympathize, I can literally empathize with you.

So here are five things I know:

1. It's going to suck before it doesn't suck.

2. And then it's going to suck again after it doesn't suck because after a high comes a low ("what goes up must come down" or some shit like that). Also known as … life.

3. Today your desire, tomorrow your norm. It's not all glitter up close. Try looking at a masterpiece of canvas art with your eyes one inch away. You just see some oil, some canvas, and some color. That's it. It's only a masterpiece from farther away … and don't get me wrong, like, it's cool. And you know you're looking at something Monet, Picasso, or Da Vinci's * paint brushes* touched. Worth millions. But then … like …you kind of … just like … carry on with your day …

4. So hold onto this sweet dream because once you catch it, the dream goes poof -- gone. And then you have to find a new dream (and that's hard, dude).

5. Legit this is what my physician told me the other day because I'm def a hypochondriac and thought I was dying because I had some knee pain: "Don't live in the present day, live in the present hour." So, yea. What he said. Take it hour by hour. Live like that.

Hope this helps!

-EL